And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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