you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
