Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
