her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
