She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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