i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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