Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
