Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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