I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
