Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
