I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
