Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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