Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
