Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
