Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
