I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
