Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
