Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
