I'm really into asian looking animals
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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