I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize