puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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