my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there is glitter all over my balls
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
