you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
