Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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