I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's not cheating when I paid for it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
