Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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