Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
