You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
