Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
