it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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