Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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