Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
