He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is Oprah even human
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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