I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
