He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize