The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why do cheetos always look like penises
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
