He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
