I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
