Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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