its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
