I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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