I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
