In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
