So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize