i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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