Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
