C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You pole danced in your parka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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