I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
