didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
