What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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