RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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