I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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