so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
