i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
