So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
