I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize