Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
