Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
