Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
