I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
not ubering you a puppy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
