So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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