cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
