pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
