When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
