You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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