New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
