pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
