My first STD was from a foam party
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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