He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
