the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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