The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
