once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
