I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize