Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
