You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
