So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
