If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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