im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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