Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
