the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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