the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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