What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
