You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
