Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The power of my boobs compel you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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