3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
