yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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