Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
