i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
