bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
