His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Congratulations! We have a period
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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