Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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