Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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