I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
