Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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