You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
