I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
