Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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