btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
