please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
