I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
