my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
