i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Drunk is not a location!
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